Diary of a Single Woman (Singles Blues!!)

Is it me? Or does it seem like this Christmas everyone is getting engaged, getting married, celebrating anniversary or simply coupling up? 

I've heard about the Holiday Singles Blues but I truly never experienced it until this Christmas!! 

Normally, I would be so busy over the holiday but this Christmas I decided to spend my time home just chilling with Chrissy, reading and spending time with God. I didn't go on social media very much either, for most of the days I turned my data plan off so I can truly chill! 

During the days, I am good but then the few times you go on social media... bam!! Couples!!! 

I thought it was just me being dramatic until a friend messaged me and say why does it seem like everyone getting 'hitched' this holiday .. (so I know this was just not in my head since someone else mentioned it). 

I went to Half-Way-Tree with another friend on Christmas Eve.. I think that made it worst... Almost every teenager was holding hands, hugging, window shopping or something. Like seriously?? And I can barely get a date!! 

SINGLES BLUES .... IT IS SO REALLLLLLLLLL!! 

Again, I really never felt like that before. I've heard of it but don't remember experiencing it before. 

So what to do when you find yourself with the Singles Blues:

1) Accept it-- Yes that's what I said.. ACCEPT IT!! 

   

As singles especially believers, we tend to pretend that we don't have these feelings. We say 'God is enough' or 'I am so contented in my single season' so often that it becomes a cliche and really and truly even though GOD IS MORE THAN ENOUGH... He still made us with these desires of wanting a mate, wanting a family and companionship. So I don't believe He wants us to lie to ourselves and others that we don't have these desires but it is really what we do when they come upon us. 

"God sees your desire for a spouse deep down,no matter how much you tweet you're content. Contentment in singleness doesn't mean you have to say you don't want a man. It means until God sends you one,you chilling" -Stephanie Sims

2) Share it -- This is simply talking to someone about it. 

  

I hope you have accountability partners that you can be honest with and just tell them this is how you feel. When I shared it with a few persons I knew (males and females) I realized I wasn't the only person feeling like that. So we could actually encourage each other.

3) Pray about it -- The struggle is real but God understands.

 I know many of us might be praying for a spouse for years yet nothing seems to be looking possible  but God knows our hearts and we truly have to trust His timing. It does get challenging and every year you watch other persons getting their dreams come through but I encourage you to not get weary because God hears your prayers and I really believe that He is molding us for that special someone as much as He is molding them for us. This is why you have to talk to God about it and spend time with Him because in His presence there is fullness of joy!! God gave us these desires so talk to Him about it. 

I know it is not easy as I said.. This is what I have to be living daily.. Hello!! But I am grateful for my friends who reminds me that God is faithful and He has great plans for my life and everything will happen in time. 

One thing I will also say, it is during these times the enemy send your EX. I mean all year round, you were strong enough to tell him/her no until the Singles Blues kick in then they become most appealing and desirous. It is so easy to start to entertain the conversations and let your guard down because of the attention. But I will encourage you, once you realize what's happening SHUT IT DOWN! Sometimes we get caught up and if you have already don't be too hard on yourself but cut it off now! He/She is so so not worth it!!

You know why it had to end and You know God has better in store so don't let the flesh lead you into a dangerous path. 

Shut it down! 

This blog is not just for you..Believe me, it is for me too! As I shared over the past week I had to be dealing with this feeling of 'God just send the husband already' but thank God that I was able to Admit it.. Share it.. Pray about it.. and Shut down the temptation/attention!! 

God knows my desire and I really just don't want a relationship because I want company or because I desire sex.. I want a God-ordained marriage and I share the reasons I want to marry in a blog previously Why I desire to Marry (check it out)... Know that God will honor you, if you honor Him and keep yourself holy and be obedient and trust His timing. 

God loves you.. and so do I!! 

God bless you.

To God to be Glory**** 

Crystal 

Feel free to email me with questions or concerns at shachene@gmail.com 

 

Merry Christmas Friends!!!

It's been a while that I've blogged .. actually it's been awhile I've even written in my journal and it is not because I've been busy. For weeks I've been feeling like God is simply just not talking to me... I keep asking "God are we in malice?"

It has truly been a going 'through the motions kinda season' and I am just being still because God has not given me anything to share.

Last week, the She's Royal Movement had its last event for the year in the form of a cocktail party and worship experience.. I was supposed to do the exhortation but I just couldn't because I refuse to share anything from my limited wisdom and God did not tell me anything to tell His people. So thank God for my brother in Christ, Dunamis Reignz that shared the exhortation and the night was truly a blessing.

This is my last blog for 2015, I want to say thanks to all the faithful readers and followers of my page. I truly pray that you were inspired, blessed, encouraged and even convicted by my daily posts and monthly blogs. One thing I can truly say that even though I feel like God is not 'talking' to me, I know for sure that He is always with me .. and guess what He is ALWAYS with you too!!

It is so comforting to know with all our hearts that even in His silence, even in a drought, even in the tests, even in the valley .. NOTHING CAN SEPARATE US FROM THE LOVE OF GOD!!

As we a celebrate this Christmas season with just about a week to go for the New Year.. I pray that we will not be so caught up in the festivities that we don't get time to truly reflect what this season is about...
Jesus Christ came into this world, not just to free us from eternal punishment but also to give us hope and purpose in this life! So I truly encourage you to spend some time with God before the end of the year and just thank Him for just keeping you, providing for you and most importantly saving you; through His birth.. we have been given LIFE!! 

I know everything may not be going how you would want it.. maybe 2015 has even been your hardest year.. but God continues to take us through and He has brought us too far to leave us now! 

There is so much that I need to share with you guys but when God has release me then I will do so.

2015 was truly a Year of Promotion... and I declare that 2016 will be a Year of Expectancy for us ..because we serve a Great Big Wonderful God and we know that His plans for us can only get better!! 

I love you guys very much.. God bless you.. I pray that you will have a safe, joyful, peaceful, lovely, restful and merry Christmas and super favored and blessed New Year to come!! 

God loves you so much... and I do too:-)

To God be the Glory****

Crystal 

Feel free to email me: shachene@gmail.com 

Happy 2 years "Celibaversary" to me!!!

Cheers to 2 years -- Happy Celibaversary to me!!!! 

Many celebrate the day they got baptized as their commitment to God, but my baptism wasn't real, it was simply me trying to be spared from hell. But today I celebrate 2 years of Celibacy (My Celibaversary) yay!!…. and for me this day is far more significant because on November 12, 2013 I made a vow to God that I would not have sex until I got married and this was the beginning of my commitment,that I will surrender my life to God 'for real'. 

Honestly, I lived a promiscuous life for so long that I knew my two biggest challenges with being a Christian would be giving up sex and partying. So in order for me to really stick to this commitment, I would need 'divine intervention'. Today I'm very proud of myself and I know God is proud of me too for taking the step to glorify Him with my body and not live in hypocrisy and lukewarmness anymore. 

" I have been crucified with Christ, and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me" - Galatians 2:20

I remember a series of events led up to this decision; after my 'failed' engagement (see story here My Engagement Story), I had either to go back to the my familiar place of being the side chick (see story here Being the Other Woman) or face the fears of singleness. So I took the easy route and went back... this lasted a month because I had such a strong conviction, I spent everyday being angry or depressed and I really wanted out!! 

The HOLY SPIRIT IS SO REAL!!!

When I told my friends, of course they laughed at me and when I told him he laughed harder as everyone said they would give me two (2) weeks for the 'holiness' to wear off before I would go back to normal i.e. stuck in this relationship. But years later, apparently I had just gotten 'crazier' lolol..... 

It is such an awesome and liberating feeling though to not be a slave to sin.. 

So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed (John 8:36) 

Now let me say this ... it ain't me... This is only possible through the blood of Jesus Christ and it is only because of His Grace which is truly sufficient (2 Corinthians 12:9). The Holy Spirit has really taught me self-control and kept me during these 24 months. 

I've been asked if I’ve ever felt tempted .. ahhh ..YES!! Mostly in the earlier stage... but I researched so many Blogs and YouTube videos on Purity that I've learned to flee from sexual immorality (1 Corinthians 6:8). I ensure I don't put myself in certain compromising situations that would tempt me to fall. I will share another blog on Purity soon, but today I want to share 2 major lessons I've learnt during my celibacy journey:

1) SEX DOES NOT EQUAL LOVE 

I didn't grow up in church, so not having sex before marriage was definitely not taught to me. Personally, I just needed to wait until I was at least 16 years old and ensured I didn't get pregnant or my father would kill me. Since I didn't know the Author of Love, of course love was showed through SEX. After being in a relationship for seven (7) years, I really wonder if either of us really were in love because according to 1 Corinthians 13 .. that's a big NOPE!! We failed that love test for sure!!

It is a bit sad looking at it now, because the risks I took with my life of probably catching HIV or STD ... dammm!!! SIN CAN REALLY BLIND YOU... 

A man can be in love with the sex and not with you. If you only went on a few dates he does not even really know you, he knows what you show him. If you sleep with him that can clog up his thinking. That is why later down the road when he realizes he wasn't in to you, he was just into the sex, he moves on to the next one. A few dates or even a few years does not mean a man knows you or loves you. So do it God's way. God will give you what you need.

I've learnt that a guy that truly cares about you will a) Wait for sex - sex truly complicates things as we are driven by emotions and lust that we are blinded from the true intentions of this person.  b) If he really wants you, he will put a ring on it! c) If he doesn't know God, he truly cannot know love. 

2) IF YOU DON'T KNOW YOUR WORTH, YOU WILL SETTLE FOR ANYTHING. 

My worth was wrapped up in education, career and accomplishments. So I didn't even realize that I didn't know who I was or what I was about. In order for us to know our true worth, we must know GOD. When you know your worth, you will not settle to be a man's side-chick, baby-momma, friend with benefits, 'ride n die' or even his girlfriend... if that man truly wants you, he will make you his wife. 

As mothers, it's obvious we have a certain level of sexual experience and the enemy will try to use this to get you to start thinking that you are not worth the wait. You can have 2 or 5 children, you are more than worth it to GOD!! So you have to continuously renew your mind that you are a new creation and God has completely restored and forgiven you. Look at these Scriptures and see what God says about you .. and GOD is not man that He can lie!!!  

(Hosea 14:4, Ezekiel 36:25 & 2 Corinthians 5:17). 

So today I share this blog, not to seem like I have it all together because I'm a work-in-progress... but I really want to encourage someone (male & female) to choose Purity over Pleasure! 

Sex might be pleasurable but the penalty can be so detrimental. Sinning against your body (the temple of God) leaves so much scars and can truly mess up you life.  I am telling you it can be done!!! 

No body on this earth is worth your soul, and continuing to indulge in fornication and sexual immorality has eternal penalties. 

Purity is not a religious choice but it is something I choose to do to show God how much I love Him and I love myself! 

For my young ladies, please please please, I beg you wait!! Sex really not running away and your vagina won't spoil (sorry to be so forward)!! 

It is so possible and it is so worth waiting on GOD to send you a husband who will honor you by marrying you before sharing your prize possession. 

GOD IS SOO FAITHFUL .... HE WORKS ALL THINGS TOGETHER FOR THOSE WHO LOVES HIM!! 

Who Son sets free is free indeed!!! 

God loves you so much... and I do too:-)

To God be the Glory****

Crystal 

Feel free to email me: shachene@gmail.com 

Heart of Worship (Seek God more)

For the past couple of weeks, so many thoughts have been plaguing me and I found myself so scared to the point of crying for days. I kept crying out to God so much on behalf of my family, friends, the nation, unbelievers and especially believers. 

Recently, I attended a Singles Retreat in Florida and can I tell you I did not attend just another session about singleness. This retreat was far more than trying to tell us to accept our single status or preparing for a spouse but it really challenged me to prepare for my marriage with Christ and preparing for eternity. During a visit to my sister, Itohan's church, God started to download so much into my Spirit about how caught up many of us are in doing things for Him yet we don't know Him. Many of us are so busy serving in many ministries at church, leading services and even preaching about Him yet we don't spend anytime with Him. We have accepted a form of godliness yet denying the true power of God (2 Timothy 3:5). 
 Many of us know the Word of God but not the God of the Word!! 

I wept bitterly!! 

Sometimes we believe that we love God and try prove this by our works while God is saying HE wants a relationship with us. Honestly, I really had to cry out to God and ask Him to help me to love Him with all my heart, all my soul and all my mind (Matthew 22:37).  I had to beg God to help me to have a daily encounter with Him, help me to seek His heart and not His hands, help me to truly know Him and not settle with knowing about Him, help my worship and relationship with Him to be real and not for a show!! 

God knows how scared I am to be posting on Facebook about Him, sharing blogs, preaching the Gospel, being celibate and doing things in His name then on the day when I see Him face to face hear 'Depart from me, I know you not' (Matthew 7:21-23). 

If we truly understand that everything we are busy seeking is so so temporary, we would yearn deeper for a Heart of Worship. 

So yes I want a husband but guess what marriage is temporary,  yes I love my daughter but guess what motherhood is temporary, yes I want to serve and do great things for God but guess what ministry is temporary... ONLY MY RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD IS ETERNAL!! 

My relationship with God is the only thing that is lasting; because there will be no marriage, ministry or career in heaven. So yes, I can desire these things but daily I have to ensure that I am not so earthly-minded that I am no heavenly-good. 

I wrote a blog couple months ago about Modern Day Idolatry and I encourage you to check it out because it is so easy for us to be caught up in so many things that God is no longer a priority. 

Friends, I beg you to check yourself daily.. Ensure that you are not so in love with the creation that you desert the Creator! If you feel you need help, reach out to someone or drop me an email and I will pray with you. 

WE NEED GOD MORE THAN EVER NOW! SEEK HIM! GET IN HIS WORD!! 

I truly love each and everyone of you and I pray you will be challenged to truly repent and seek God some more! 

Let us pray

Dear Abba Father, teach me to love you with all my heart, all my soul and all my mind. Help me to have a true heart of worship and diligently seek you every single day. Lord, I ask that you give me a new encounter with you and help me to have an authentic relationship with you. God I ask you for increase my appetite for your Word, let me hunger and thirst for your righteousness and seek your heart and not your hands. Forgive me Jesus for being so caught up in temporary things. Holy Spirit lead me and have your way. In Jesus' name. Amen

Check out this song by D Murphy.. It has been on replay for weeks! 

Also check out this sermon from my favorite female minister, Heather Lindsey

To God to be Glory**** 

Crystal 

Feel free to email me with questions or concerns at shachene@gmail.com 

Diary of a Single Woman (Why I desire to be married)

He that finds Crystal finds a 'good' thing:-) 

I've never been the kind of girl that daydreams about her wedding day.. a bit weird but when I pictured wedding (if I do), all I see is the cutest pink shoes walking down in aisle in (lol), otherwise everything else has been blahh!

Maybe something like this... love it!! 

Before I became a Christian, marriage was not a priority of mine. I was too caught up in career, independence and education to slow down my dreams to fit "marriage" in. Even after I got baptized in 2009, if I thought about marriage it was mainly because I wanted 'legal' sex.
Honestly, the idea of cleaning, washing those heavy jeans, putting clean seam in a pants ... really seemed like too much because I am not the most domesticated person. (I blame my parents because they did everything for me lol..)

Then late 2013, I got 'saved' for real (before I was lukewarm); God started renewing my mind (Romans 12:2) regarding many things and marriage is one of them. After being saved for over 22 months, I can confidently say my current reasons for wanting to get married is ONLY GOD!!
But I am glad that I didn't get married before because it really wouldn't have been God's plan for me because I truly didn't understand what marriage is about. You can read my blog about my engagement here My Engagement Story.

Anyway I want to share five (5) reasons why I desire marriage....

1) I am looking forward to being a help-mate (Genesis 2:18). 
Before I would cringe at words "help-mate" or "submission" but I now understand this does not mean I will be my husband domestic 'helper or doormat' even though I will be the keeper of my home (Titus 2:4-5); but the husband God will provide for me, will have a purpose to fulfill and as his wife I am looking forward to using my God-given gifts and talents to HELP this man to achieve his God-given potential. I've learnt that marriage is a ministry, so we would look forward to serving each other and our lives as a couple will glorify God. Both our missions in life will become one that will complement each other and not compete!!

2) I am a single-mother to a beautiful little lady (4 years old) and I must be honest, my second reason for wanting to marry is for her to have a godly-father-figure in her life. 
Single-parenting is really tough! I now understand why God instituted marriage as the way to raise children because Proverbs 22:6 speaks about training a child up in the way of the Lord; and I tell you doing it ALONE is really really challenging. Plus I want to have other children and God's plan for a family is through marriage and having both parents in the household working together to produce godly off-springs.

3) Marriage is important to God, and that makes it important to me! 
As I've observe the society we live in, if we were willing to be obedient to God's plans, our lives would be spared from so much heartaches (diseases, abortions, unwanted children etc). Our society does not promote marriage (common-law relationships are legalized); but the covenant of marriage ordained by God to provide believers with an image of Christ's love and relationship with His Church (His bride - see Ephesians 5:22-23, Revelations 21:2) and as a Christian, I believe marriage will help me to mature more in my Christ-like characters (patience, faithfulness, gentleness etc). 

4) To provide proper sexual union and avoid sexual immoralities
I won't pretend that I am not looking forward to having sexual intercourse again but this time is will be GOD'S WAY!  Many Christians pretend like sex is bad but God created it so it is a beautiful thing; but it should be shared in the context of marriage. Even though it has been almost 2 years since I've been walking in purity and honestly it hasn't been as hard as I thought it would be. The Word of God says flee from temptation so I purposely avoid certain temptations like dancehall or souls music and certain movies or shows.  The fact is I want to please God more than anything else in this world; so I made the decision to wait until He sends a husband for me to share that experience with him.

5) For a godly male leader to run my home
I added this one very recently because I lived alone for over three (3) years and I have always just loved the fact it was just Christelle and I. But more and more, I understand why God wanted the man to lead his home because as a woman there are just certain things we just don't want to be caring about. Plumbing, fixing, car troubles.. brahhh.. I just hate to be asking other men to be doing these things for me (sorry but it is the truth). Even if my husband can't fix it himself, he would be concerned about these things and then other men won't have to over charge me to service my car or fix things around the household.

Outside of those five reasons, honestly there is just something about a godly man that is simply beautiful. Just the thought of a man loving me as Christ loves the Church gives me the chills (lol).. I mean imagine praying with this man, studying the Word with this man, having to serve him and encouraging him to be the best that God has called him to be.. Come on!! It is more than worth the wait:-) 

So, I share this because I know many ladies desire marriage and don't understand why they have to wait! It is not just about choosing a man and planning a beautiful wedding day but it is far deeper than that. I can tell you true love is only found in Christ; if we don't understand love like describe in 1 Corinthians 13 we will run into serious problems in our marriage. 
It is so important that the man we marry understand this kind of love too and our relationship is not based on lust, emotions, status and great sex! 

As wives, we have to be willing to serve this man and be submissive under his godly leadership; but don't be discouraged because a true man of God will understand his role and serve you too!!

Honestly, I am not in hurry for marriage but I am trusting God to write my love story; but I am proud of the woman I am becoming in Christ because he is truly molding me into a Proverbs 31 woman *skin teeth* 

God bless you... 

To God to be Glory**** 

Crystal 

Feel free to email me with questions or concerns at shachene@gmail.com 

National Christelle Day.. Happy 4th my princess:-)

Happy 4th Birthday Chrissypooh

I can't believe it has really been 4 years that I'm a mom! .. WOW:-) Honestly, it seems like just the other day I found out I was pregnant then I blinked and she's FOUR!!! 
Happy Birthday ma princess Christelle:-))))))

God has really been so good to us and He is so worthy to be praised and exalted because I know there was nothing I could have done to deserve so much blessings and favor. I feel so honored to have been chosen to be this little lady's mother. She has been such a joy to everyone who knows her. Her smile, her demeanor and her love is so infectious!

I didn't chose to blog today to "show-off" about my beautiful daughter; actually as I prayed over her this morning as I normally do, I had an overwhelming feeling of gratitude and I was reminded that God's grace and mercy is so real and I am simply amazed of the journey that God has been taking me on called motherhood. 

Firstly, I wanted seven (7) children when I was younger (crazy right) yup! There is just something about children that gives life hope and I literally wanted seven (7) hopes aye (lol). Of course, after Christelle that changed .... No, I didn't go through a rough pregnancy and no I didn't go through a tough labour either! I mean I had morning sickness, uncontrollable spitting (eww.. sorry to gross you out) and Oh my .. breastfeeding really arghhhh (that hurt as hell). But outside of that, I think I am very bless to be spared from many horrific stories I've heard about childbearing (God is soo good)!!

I could also go into Single Parenting woes.. But it's my princess' birthday so I will not go into that (but another blog coming soon). I can say though ladies... Please DO NOT choose that route. All that glitters is not gold and I wish more single mothers would encourage young ladies to ensure you share that special journey called parenting with a husband. But as I said.. next time...

Four lessons I've learnt in my four years of motherhood:

1) Children are literally sponges - they soak in everything. As parents we must be careful to not just say but do the right things around our children. 
Proverbs 22:6 says "Train up a child in the way he should go... ".
You realize it didn't say "TELL" a child, it said 'train'. This means if we are cursing expletives daily but telling the child it's wrong, that won't work. They really do follow everything that you do more than what you say.

2) You cannot be selfish. 
When you have a child, you must become selfless- it literally teaches you that life is more than about you. So many of your own dreams, you will have to re-adjust in order to make the child happy and comfortable. This sometimes challenging but 1 Corinthians 13:4 says Love is not self-seeking.. So your love for your child allows it to become second nature to putting your child first.

3) It really does take a village to raise a child. 
 I am soooo grateful for my family, friends, church members, Christelle's tons of godparents, aunties and uncles. 
I literally could not have gotten to four (4) years 'sane' without them. The support, the kindness, the love, the prayers, the babysitting, the well-wishes.. oh my.. it is simply amazing how important it is to have support. Christelle is growing into such a compassionate, kindhearted and brilliant child. It ain't just because of me seriously! Thank God so much for the wonderful "village" God has blessed us with.

4) Cherish every single moment. 
1 Thessalonians 5:18 says"in everything give thanks.."
As a mother/parent, it is amazing watching our children grow. From baby in diaper, to first tooth, first step, first word, first day at school... It is all because of God's mercies that our day are renewed that we can enjoy these moments. You pray daily and hope you are doing the best you can to grow them up to be the best that God has called them to be. The time flies so quickly that we won't be able to make the decisions for them (I know because I look at my little sweet sister Nioka that I helped raise and she's a little woman now... lol). So we have to cherish every memory, every experience, every moment whether good or bad.


I am so blessed by this little lady, Christelle Rickaylia Garriques, she literally changed my dreams, my plans and my world. This change was ALL for the better. She pushed me straight into the arms of God because I just didn't know how to be a good mother but God has really been teaching me daily. 

I pray you were blessed by this blog.. Say a prayer for me and Christelle as we trod on this journey together. God has been so good to us and I am so grateful....

My encouragement to all mothers and parents.. please ensure you know Jesus Christ as your Lord and your Savior (only Him can teach us to be best parents we can be) and never stop praying over your children (don't talk negative words over their lives either). Remember the enemy is here to kill, steal and destroy (John 10:10);  not just you but your children too and only weapon we have is the Word of God and our Abba Father who is our refuge and strength (Psalm 46:1). 

Love you guys loads...

Photos 

God bless you... 

To God to be Glory**** 

Crystal 

Feel free to email me with questions at shachene@gmail.com