Or so I thought!
My 26th birthday, a week after my breakup with my fiance. I'm sure I looked beautiful on the outside but it was a facade as I was tearing up on the inside!
It really seemed like the perfect love story but I was writing it and not God. I was a Christian and he wasn't but that was okay because 'not enough men inside the church so I could take my husband to church and convert him' that was my reasoning. He said he love and believe in God and he will even come to church with me so another reason why I could marry him. He was a great guy, he loved me since I was 14 years old and I knew him very well so I thought it was logically because I saw so many other women doing it...
This relationship came the 'right time', I have been living a lukewarm Christian life for so long but I started to get convicted and wanted to live right. So if I could stop fornicate and stop party then I could truly live for God because those were my biggest temptations. If I got married then I would be 'legal' to have sex plus he wasn't the party type so I knew I would eventually have to stop so it was the perfect plan... again it wasn't God's plan.
So I went in to speak to my Pastor about it even as I prayed daily about it. Although I loved my fiance, I also loved God and I really wanted to please God also. My meeting with Pastor didn't go too well, he reminded me about 2 Corinthians 6:24 "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?". I knew the verse but after talking to many other Christians they shared that unequally yoked meant if the person didn't "believe" in God or if they were a muslim or other religion but God really couldn't expect us to not date non-Christians because enough men just not in church (this was my green light). I respected my Pastor though so even though I didn't end my engagement; I continue praying and I spoke to my fiance about my concerns so we decided that we wouldn't have sex until we got married so 'bingo' of course he was the ONE. I mean how many non-Christian men would stop hold out on sex until marriage?
BUT I NEVER STOPPED PRAYING .. Part of me still wasn't at full peace that I should go ahead with the wedding. Of course I loved him and he really loved me but a little part of me felt like God wasn't pleased. So I fasted and prayed... Fasted and prayed for many months.
Then one day I said 'Lord, if this is not your will then you take him out of my life, I don't have the strength or courage to do it so let him leave.' While I was praying this prayer waiting on him to come to Jamaica (it was a long distance relationship), we continue the wedding plans. In my mind, I knew that he loved me so much that there was no way he would call off the wedding so if this happen it must be GOD.
Well, to cut a long story short.. BUT GOD... Yep! God showed up and he walked away. Technically, he had no clue what he was doing because he just couldn't explain why he wanted to. In his head, he was just a bit angry so he just needed a breather from me for 1 day but for me .. it was GOD!! Once he stepped away I didn't look back.
During that season, the Lord revealed so much to me and this is why I was led to blog about Unequally Yoked Relationships.
1) Many times we know the right thing, we know what God's Word says but we search for many loopholes to remain in the situation. The fact is God will never change His mind to please you; there is no other explanation or reasoning to His commands. Similarly, when the Word of God says 'Do not kill' period, not a comma or semi-colon but full stop. His commands about being unequally yoked won't change, no matter the season or modern-era. This thing about "I'm Praying about it" really doesn't make sense either because God will not change His mind. He is the same God yesterday, today and tomorrow ( Hebrews 13:8).
2) God gives us free will so in the end whatever we decide to do then the outcome is on our hands. The fact is our choices have consequences and when we willfully disobey God it is a sin and we know sin leads to death (Romans 6:23). This is not just a physical death but also a spiritual death where we are separated from God.
3) When we step out of the will of God, He cannot protect us. So whatever happens when we don't follow God's commandments then we must accept that we are responsible and stop blaming God. I've seen so many times people get involved in premarital sex and get pregnant have an abortion then many years after they can't have children and they blame God.. really? Or you disobey God catch a disease then you say God gave it to you as punishment.. really? Fact is when we do whatever we want to do then God can no longer protect us from the repercussion.
4) Remember God's commandments is not to "stop our fun" like God is some dictator that wants us to be lonely and depress for the rest of our lives. God is a loving God, He is a loving Father who wants the best for His children. His commandments are to protect us not harm us. Even when He says don't have sex before marriage, it is not because He doesn't want us to not enjoy sex because He created it but He wants us to do it in the union of marriage.
Imagine if we had really followed God's commandments about sex how different our society would have been (less diseases, less unwanted pregnancy, less street boys, less murders, less poverty).
5) Stop comparing your Christian walk to other people. They are not the standards you should live by, God is the standard and He is the only example we should follow. Do not look at another church sister or brother who is in unequally yoked marriage and draw a conclusion it will work out for you. Fact is, you don't know what is going on in that home. Do not listen to their stories either and figure yours can be similar. Allow God to write your love story! Just like how your Christian walk is personal and unique, God will ensure that your marriage story is personal and unique also.
Finally, it is not your duty to save anyone. As a matter of fact, you cannot save anyone.. That is why Jesus came to save us and the Holy Spirit convicts and leads us.
We must share the Gospel, we must plant the seed, we must live a life where people would want to know our God and come serve Him too. But do not allow emotions to lead you. Emotions change! Get out of the emotions and think.. Is God please with what I am doing? Am I being led by the Holy Spirit? How will compromising really help the other person to become who God wants them to be?
Ladies, this is even more serious for you. Because the cases where Christian men get married to non-Christian women are rare but us women are always compromising in the name of loneliness. I do believe God has somebody for you.. Have faith.. Pray and ask Him to lead you... Remember it is easier to push someone off a chair than to pull them on it!!
God bless you...
To God to be Glory****
Crystal
Crystal
Feel free to email me with questions or concerns at shachene@gmail.com
I think you're talking to me right now unequally yolk
ReplyDeleteGrest testimony Crissy. I remember this engagement like yesterday and how you were not at peace about it. Continue to use your testimony to help other including myself .
ReplyDeleteThis is a brave and deep testimony my friend,, and I know God has honored your obedience AND your sacrifice..Keep on seeking him for the right one.. according to his will and while you wait, keep pushing his word to others... Love this post and trust as women.. especially young women they will not compromise their faith, purity for the fake love that could come by with the hope that they will be able to convert, change, beautify, dignify that spouse... Much love...and soooo proud of you..
ReplyDeleteAwesome 👍
ReplyDeleteI agree with RUTH CAMPBELL.... it takes guts to write something like this without leaving anything hidden or underlined. God is not a person who lacks understand, He knows us on a personal level and HE knows how we think so..... we should in nowise think that He (God) wants anything bad for us..The verse that says we should "FEAR" God doesn't mean that we should run away from him thinking that HE's a killer or a bad person but rather go to HIM in boldness and humility and respect......because the truth of the matter is that HE knows how faulty we are and all HE"S saying come and let me help you... #YouthfulPraise
ReplyDeleteLoved this sis. I am interested to know how you handled the situation with your ex once he was done with his 1 day break. Did he come back like "alright let's continue". Are you guys still friends or connected in any way? I speak to women who are in your situation and "praying about it" and would love to give them perspective as to whether they should stay connected as friends or do a clean cut. Facebook me your answers (if you're comfortable sharing) when you have a moment
ReplyDeleteThank You again sis for reading my blogs... I have to try be careful how I respond because it is not my intention to invade "his privacy" of the situation. But when was time to continue, I really had to stay strong to not go back and know that this was God really answering my prayers. Feelings were strong so for me I had to take a clear cut for a good while so I don't start feeling like I made a mistake. As I said many times we say we are praying about it and the answer is right in our face but we allow emotions to tell us otherwise. Personally, the saying that follow ur heart, I don't buy that anymore because the fact is the heart will lead you astray, you have to follow the Word of God, not even your mind because we know our sinful nature.
DeleteWe talked after, of course him not being a Christian wouldn't understand why I had to but at the end of the day I kept thinking who will I love more-- God or man??
Amen and this really touched my heart and have me realizing and confirming that I have made so many mistakes in my life and this year is my year to make sure I fully make God the head of my life and my life is align with his word.I love God more than any man.
ReplyDeleteAmen and this really touched my heart and have me realizing and confirming that I have made so many mistakes in my life and this year is my year to make sure I fully make God the head of my life and my life is align with his word.I love God more than any man.
ReplyDelete