Overcoming Inadequacy

It's been a while since I've blogged; there are so many things going on in my life now, I really don't have enough time to write as I usually would. However, all week it has been on my heart to share this experience with you and I really do pray that someone's heart will be blessed by it.

Now, for the past couple of weeks I have been really overwhelmed and emotional. Many times people will see my life on social media and think 'wow she has it all together' or some will see it and draw conclusions like 'she behaves like she is better than others or acts too holy'. I can boldly say that is so not the case. I don't do anything in my life to please anyone or to get attention, and I have never been the person to think that I am better than anyone in anyway at all. Everything I do, I try very hard to do out of pure love, of course this is not always easy but I try daily to ask the Lord to lead me as I try never to offend anyone intentionally. But of course, the enemy does not like this at all so he always tried to attack where it hurts and that led to my recent struggle of 'Overcoming Inadequacy'.

In less than 3 months, I will be hosting a two day “She's Royal Empowerment Conference.” This is something totally new to me. In comparison to hosting workshops with forty people, this is expected to have a minimum of one hundred attendees. Now, the planning part for me is fun and easy but the Lord has placed on my heart to be the keynote speaker on the first night... yikes... so when I got the finally poster with my photo on it, I panicked!! 

I panicked because it started to feel real and I really just felt I was not good enough to do this. "What do I know about speaking? I am not eloquent. I am not popular. I am not a preacher. There are so many other persons I could ask to speak far better than I am. I just can't do this Lord.".

So the normal 'confident' Crystal went into a horrible place:
- The feeling of inadequacy took over in High School when I was nominated as Salutatorian (2nd runner-up to the Valedictorian). I totally rejected the nomination and didn't even consider it because I wasn't good enough. 
- Being a single mother, this feeling always takes over. "Am I being a good mother? Why didn't I choose a better father for my child? Why can't I afford to give her more?" These are constant questions that I am bombarded with.
- I started my Masters but I had to stop because of financial reasons. "Why did God allow me to start and not finish? Why is God not answering my prayers? Why won't He just provide?"
- One of my best friends stopped being my friend, just like that. No explanation, yes we exchange words now and then but they just quit being my friend and I was so hurt. So I asked myself, "What did I do wrong? Am I such a horrible friend? Am I a bad person?"
- Then I found out that my child's father is getting married. "Like really? I am a Christian and I am living a 'good' life, why is he getting married and I can't even find a date?"

The thoughts and questions just kept flooding my mind. I felt rejected. I felt hurt. I felt depressed. I felt INADEQUATE!!! 

I started to write. Then I started to pray. 
I eventually shared it with a friend of mine, how I felt about the speaking part and she encouraged me. I remembered Heather Lindsey did a video on Overcoming Inadequacy and I went on YouTube and listened. Then I PRAYED! 

Then the Lord spoke to me and said 'You are enough".
I've learnt there is always someone smarter, prettier, more eloquent and wealthier than I am. So,when we look at the world, we will always feel inadequate. But if we keep our eyes on the Lord, we will always be reminded that Jesus Christ has made us capable, competent and complete!!

We have to remember that the enemy prowls like a roaring lion seeking who he can devour (1 Peter 5:8) and he is seeking to kill, steal and destroy our future  (John 10:10). The mind is the battlefield. This is where he first seeks to attack and if he can conquer our thoughts then we will easily fall into his trap of deception.
The Word of God says to Renew our minds (Romans 12:2), Fix our eyes on things above (Colossians 3:2) and Focus on pure things (Philippians 4:8) because every temptation, struggle and fall begins with our thoughts.

Honestly, I had to start digging deeper into God's Word and remind myself about His promises. I had to remind myself that nothing I do is about me or for me. I must let go off the 'old person and old way of thinking.' I must get it in my head that everything I do is for God's glory. IT IS NOT ABOUT ME!!
If I seek to please people or myself, then I won't ever feel good enough. I had to stop looking at myself; let go off my past mistakes, my present circumstances, my problems and my inadequacies and cling to GOD. Only God can give me value, worth and purpose. He will provide when I need provision, He will promote when I need promotion and He will supply when I am in lack. I must get to a place of totally contentment and allow the Lord to fill me up, and let 'self' be slain.

So, I write to encourage someone who may be going through that feeling of inadequacy (feeling like you are not good enough). Maybe you are going through a breakup and wondering what you did wrong, maybe you have applied for a job or promotion but you did not get the position, maybe you want to pursue a dream but you don't think you are smart enough, you think don't have enough money or you think you don't have the ability to do it; maybe you are waiting on the Lord to give you a child or husband/wife and you wonder what you are doing wrong why He hasn't blessed you that way yet; maybe you are in a relationship for five years and you still haven't gotten the ring yet... All these feelings bombarding you making you feel rejected, powerless, anxious and overall depressed or causing you to lack self-worth/self-confidence—all of which can be caused by inadequacy.

Today I challenge you to take control of your thoughts, put every negative and doubtful thought under the subjection of Jesus Christ. YOU ARE ENOUGH MY FRIEND!!

You are not enough because you are smart, beautiful, wealthy, confident or educated. You are enough because Jesus' power is within you. He says You can do ALL (not some) through HIM who gives you the strength. God uses our brokenness for His Glory and our Pain for His Purpose.
(See http://chosenvessel15.blogspot.com/2015/01/purpose-behind-my-pain.html)

So spend some time in His Word and remind yourself who you are in Christ. Take your eyes off yourself and PUT your focus on Him. His plans for you are greater (Isaiah 55:8, Proverbs 16:1 & Jeremiah 29:11). 

Remember GOD loves you so much.. He doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called!!!!! 

This song always encourages me...

Ladies, please register for the conference. I promise it will be a life-changing event:-)

To God to be Glory**** 

Crystal 

Mother's Day shoot with my princess Christelle:-) 

Hanging with some Ladies of Purpose at recent Women's Retreat! 

I am ENOUGH through Jesus Christ!!! 

Feel free to email me: shachene@gmail.com