Chosen Vessel: May 2015

Recently a friend made a Facebook post that if she was a cake then a relationship (marriage) is the icing. So, a cake is whole by itself but icing adds to it.

Personally, I get the point of women being whole before getting married and I agree 100%. No woman should go into a relationship looking for a man to complete them. Only person can fill our void is Christ and only Him can make us whole.

After many heated debates, research and seeking God, I must admit that woman needs a man; just as man needs a woman. This is so because God designed it this way.

I am not in full agreement with this analogy because a cake does not need icing; this is just an accessory to make it look better and for some it may enhance the taste. But a man is more than just to make us feel better. Even if it’s just for procreation (having children), a woman needs a man at some point.

Now, we can debate that 'need' means we cannot do without something but I won't even get into that part. But one definition of need is "very important rather than just desirable". Any argument with the definition, seek the scholars... I am just stating that men are very important than just a desire:-)

What I find interesting though, you never hear men trying to convince themselves or anybody else that they don't need women; but women are always trying to debate how much we don't need men. We have gotten so self-sufficient through our accomplishments that we believe it’s enough to satisfy us. What we fail to truly acknowledge is that the education, career, house or car does not fill the void of the affection that we need. It is understandable though, because we fought so hard to get to this place of independence and equality with men; changing the 'backward' thinking that a woman's role is to be housewife, we would never want to accept that after getting our way through the feminist movement to admit that men do play an important role/fulfill a 'need' in our lives.

Just want to make it clear... Women and Men are EQUAL because God made us equal; but we are also different. Different does not mean inferior or superior. We are different because we have unique purposes. (Genesis 2:23 & 5:2, Ephesians 2:10)

With that said, I am grateful for a renewed mind in Christ that have altered my views of men; and accept that because God created us (male and female) to fulfill each other's needs; then I cannot allow the world's views to distort God's intended design and purpose for us. There is a sense, then, in which we have “inherited” a need for companionship. The need is most ideally fulfilled in the marriage union. As a general rule, in is “not good to be alone” (Gen. 2:18).

We women don't need to be debating that we have a higher purpose than marriage and childbearing. That is a given!! Look in the universities, businesses and even the churches. What we need to stop doing though is flaunt this independence/ self-sufficiency attitude to degrade men and challenge their God-given authority. Of course, we can argue that men needs to do far better in the society but let us be reminded that we were created to be 'help mate' (Genesis 2:18) and we can argue they need a lot of help. But that is OK.. because we do need them!!! So the quicker we admit this, then the quicker we will 'help' the men to restore our society and fulfill their purpose.

So, I don't NEED a husband to make me feel good about myself. I don't NEED a husband to make me whole. I don't NEED a husband to make me feel happy. I was created in God's own image and I have dominion over all the earth (Genesis 1:26-27)

But I will accept that I do NEED a husband to establish a nuclear family as God ordained it to be. I do NEED a husband to teach my son (when I do have one) how to be a man. I do NEED a husband to fulfill my sexual desires because sex outside of marriage is a sin (fornication).

This by no means indicates that I must take it on myself to do anything to get a husband. As a Child of God, my Jehovah Jireh (Provider) says He will supply ALL my needs according to His riches in glory (Philippians 4:19) and if I seek God's Kingdom and His righteousness, ALL things will be added unto me (Matthew 6:33). So I do trust that He knows what's best for me and I will wait on His timing:-))))

To God to be Glory****

Crystal

Feel free to email me: shachene@gmail.com

It's been a while since I've blogged; there are so many things going on in my life now, I really don't have enough time to write as I usually would. However, all week it has been on my heart to share this experience with you and I really do pray that someone's heart will be blessed by it.

Now, for the past couple of weeks I have been really overwhelmed and emotional. Many times people will see my life on social media and think 'wow she has it all together' or some will see it and draw conclusions like 'she behaves like she is better than others or acts too holy'. I can boldly say that is so not the case. I don't do anything in my life to please anyone or to get attention, and I have never been the person to think that I am better than anyone in anyway at all. Everything I do, I try very hard to do out of pure love, of course this is not always easy but I try daily to ask the Lord to lead me as I try never to offend anyone intentionally. But of course, the enemy does not like this at all so he always tried to attack where it hurts and that led to my recent struggle of 'Overcoming Inadequacy'.

In less than 3 months, I will be hosting a two day “She's Royal Empowerment Conference.” This is something totally new to me. In comparison to hosting workshops with forty people, this is expected to have a minimum of one hundred attendees. Now, the planning part for me is fun and easy but the Lord has placed on my heart to be the keynote speaker on the first night... yikes... so when I got the finally poster with my photo on it, I panicked!!

I panicked because it started to feel real and I really just felt I was not good enough to do this. "What do I know about speaking? I am not eloquent. I am not popular. I am not a preacher. There are so many other persons I could ask to speak far better than I am. I just can't do this Lord.".

So the normal 'confident' Crystal went into a horrible place:
- The feeling of inadequacy took over in High School when I was nominated as Salutatorian (2nd runner-up to the Valedictorian). I totally rejected the nomination and didn't even consider it because I wasn't good enough.
- Being a single mother, this feeling always takes over. "Am I being a good mother? Why didn't I choose a better father for my child? Why can't I afford to give her more?" These are constant questions that I am bombarded with.
- I started my Masters but I had to stop because of financial reasons. "Why did God allow me to start and not finish? Why is God not answering my prayers? Why won't He just provide?"
- One of my best friends stopped being my friend, just like that. No explanation, yes we exchange words now and then but they just quit being my friend and I was so hurt. So I asked myself, "What did I do wrong? Am I such a horrible friend? Am I a bad person?"
- Then I found out that my child's father is getting married. "Like really? I am a Christian and I am living a 'good' life, why is he getting married and I can't even find a date?"

The thoughts and questions just kept flooding my mind. I felt rejected. I felt hurt. I felt depressed. I felt INADEQUATE!!!

I started to write. Then I started to pray.
I eventually shared it with a friend of mine, how I felt about the speaking part and she encouraged me. I remembered Heather Lindsey did a video on Overcoming Inadequacy and I went on YouTube and listened. Then I PRAYED!

Then the Lord spoke to me and said 'You are enough".
I've learnt there is always someone smarter, prettier, more eloquent and wealthier than I am. So,when we look at the world, we will always feel inadequate. But if we keep our eyes on the Lord, we will always be reminded that Jesus Christ has made us capable, competent and complete!!

We have to remember that the enemy prowls like a roaring lion seeking who he can devour (1 Peter 5:8) and he is seeking to kill, steal and destroy our future (John 10:10). The mind is the battlefield. This is where he first seeks to attack and if he can conquer our thoughts then we will easily fall into his trap of deception.
The Word of God says to Renew our minds (Romans 12:2), Fix our eyes on things above (Colossians 3:2) and Focus on pure things (Philippians 4:8) because every temptation, struggle and fall begins with our thoughts.

Honestly, I had to start digging deeper into God's Word and remind myself about His promises. I had to remind myself that nothing I do is about me or for me. I must let go off the 'old person and old way of thinking.' I must get it in my head that everything I do is for God's glory. IT IS NOT ABOUT ME!!
If I seek to please people or myself, then I won't ever feel good enough. I had to stop looking at myself; let go off my past mistakes, my present circumstances, my problems and my inadequacies and cling to GOD. Only God can give me value, worth and purpose. He will provide when I need provision, He will promote when I need promotion and He will supply when I am in lack. I must get to a place of totally contentment and allow the Lord to fill me up, and let 'self' be slain.

So, I write to encourage someone who may be going through that feeling of inadequacy (feeling like you are not good enough). Maybe you are going through a breakup and wondering what you did wrong, maybe you have applied for a job or promotion but you did not get the position, maybe you want to pursue a dream but you don't think you are smart enough, you think don't have enough money or you think you don't have the ability to do it; maybe you are waiting on the Lord to give you a child or husband/wife and you wonder what you are doing wrong why He hasn't blessed you that way yet; maybe you are in a relationship for five years and you still haven't gotten the ring yet... All these feelings bombarding you making you feel rejected, powerless, anxious and overall depressed or causing you to lack self-worth/self-confidence—all of which can be caused by inadequacy.

Today I challenge you to take control of your thoughts, put every negative and doubtful thought under the subjection of Jesus Christ. YOU ARE ENOUGH MY FRIEND!!

You are not enough because you are smart, beautiful, wealthy, confident or educated. You are enough because Jesus' power is within you. He says You can do ALL (not some) through HIM who gives you the strength. God uses our brokenness for His Glory and our Pain for His Purpose.
(See http://chosenvessel15.blogspot.com/2015/01/purpose-behind-my-pain.html)

So spend some time in His Word and remind yourself who you are in Christ. Take your eyes off yourself and PUT your focus on Him. His plans for you are greater (Isaiah 55:8, Proverbs 16:1 & Jeremiah 29:11).

Remember GOD loves you so much.. He doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called!!!!!

This song always encourages me...