Dealing with Rejection (1)

Rejection is something we all face in life. If we think simply about the things that we have 'rejected', it comes down to us perceiving this is not good enough and it's not valuable. This is why when we are rejected it is such a painful experience because it leaves us feeling less valuable and this hurts so much. 

I could make a list of so many circumstances where we have felt rejected, but I won't. As you read this blog, I want you to personalize it. Think about some of the times you have felt your deepest rejection and as you continue reading, I pray you will apply it to your own life so today your healing/restoration process can begin. 

Being rejected causes emotional and spiritual wounds. Some of these includes unforgiveness, jealousy, envy, blaming God, low self-esteem, anger, depression, bitterness, self-hatred, rebellion and revenge. It also affects us physically like increase headaches, disrupts our sleep and can even leads to mental illness (and if you have ever had a broken heart you can relate a bit to these feelings). This tells you how important it is for us to deal with rejection. 

Not dealing with rejection can lead to a life of:

a) Feelings of worthlessness, insecurity, or hopelessness

b) Fabricated personalities (being somebody you aren't, in order to be accepted)

c) Fear of confrontation

d) Feeling the need to be overly opinionated and need to always be right

e) Self-pity where a person feels bad for themselves being all alone

f) Increase pride that says, "How dare they reject me!"

g) Feelings of worthlessness, insecurity, or hopelessness

h) Fear of correction because you believe everyone is out to get you

i)  Self-rejection (not liking who you are and leads to further self-hate and self-resentment)

j) Constantly seeking approval of family and friends over God 

SIGH... Even as I write this blog, the memories of rejection still hurt and explains why I make some decisions that I've made in the past. 

A life of rejection allows us to live for the approval of others and when we do things to get others to applaud us and the thought of letting people down leads us to say 'yes' to everything. 

So how do we deal with rejection? How do we overcome these feelings of needing others approval? 

1) Accept the rejection - Yes! I said it. Many times we live in denial and try to hide these feelings then they fester into more deep rooted issues. Think about a simple wound, if you don't deal with it and put band aid over it, then it break out into sore which is harder to treat.  Admit that it does hurt and allow time to get over this situation. 

2) Put God in first place -  He's the only one who can ultimately meet all your needs. You will never have all your needs met by any person or group of people. Human love is limited; God's love is unlimited and unconditional. No matter how deep your need is, he can fill it.

3) Reject the Rejection - Rejection is only destructive when we internalize it. Since we cannot control what other people think, we have no control over whether or not people approve of us. We are only in control of our own attitudes and beliefs. If we allow the opinions of others to affect the opinions we have of ourselves, then we are allowing those who hurt us to control our thoughts. If we keep our thoughts focused on how much God loves us, we won’t dwell on the opinions of others.

4) Forgive - If you hold on to the hurt, it will only end up hurting you. When you don’t forgive others, it creates bitterness and anger in you. Forgiveness is not about trusting the person again or forgetting everything that happened. It’s about putting the situation in God’s hands instead of seeking revenge or holding a grudge.

5) Understand that you are made in the image of God - Men and women are God’s most unique works of art, His masterpieces! There is no one more valuable and precious than You (a child of God). We can combat the destructive forces of rejection by understanding our position in Christ. Spend time focusing on who we matter to instead of who we don’t. During painful times in our life, we can triumph if we remember that God is our strength. We do not need the world’s approval, and we will never be able to please everyone. We only need the approval of God. 

I will stop for now, as I allow you to process these five steps to overcoming rejection. Part 2 will be coming soon. But as I end this blog, I want you to say this prayer as I declare that today is the beginning of your restoration. 

Prayer: Father, I come to You in the name of Jesus. Lord Jesus, it is comforting to know that You understand and sympathize with my weaknesses and this excruciating pain of rejection. I ask You to forgive my sins, and I receive Your mercy; I expect Your healing grace to dispel the rejection I am suffering because of the false accusations and demeaning actions of others. Also, forgive me for self-hatred and thinking that I’m less than others. It’s awesome to understand that I’m created in Your image. Everything You make is good. In the face of rejection I am declaring, “The Lord is my Light and my Salvation — whom shall I fear or dread? The Lord is the Refuge and Stronghold of my life — of whom shall I be afraid?” (Ps. 27:1). You chose me before the foundation of the world and I am accepted by you, my Father. I give you all the glory in the name of Your precious Son, Jesus!

May God bless you my friends. Thank you so much for reading this blog. 

To God to be Glory**** 

Crystal 

Feel free to email me with questions or concerns at shachene@gmail.com 

Women need men; Men need women!!

Recently a friend made a  Facebook post that if she was a cake then a relationship (marriage) is the icing. So, a cake is whole by itself but icing adds to it. 

Personally, I get the point of women being whole before getting married and I agree 100%. No woman should go into a relationship looking for a man to complete them. Only person can fill our void is Christ and only Him can make us whole. 

           After many heated debates, research and seeking God, I must admit that woman needs a man; just as man needs a woman. This is so because God designed it this way. 

I am not in full agreement with this analogy because a cake does not need icing; this is just an accessory to make it look better and for some it may enhance the taste. But a man is more than just to make us feel better. Even if it’s just for procreation (having children), a woman needs a man at some point. 

Now, we can debate that 'need' means we cannot do without something but I won't even get into that part. But one definition of need is "very important rather than just desirable". Any argument with the definition, seek the scholars... I am just stating that men are very important than just a desire:-)

What I find interesting though, you never hear men trying to convince themselves or anybody else that they don't need women; but women are always trying to debate how much we don't need men. We have gotten so self-sufficient through our accomplishments that we believe it’s enough to satisfy us. What we fail to truly acknowledge is that the education, career, house or car does not fill the void of the affection that we need. It is understandable though, because we fought so hard to get to this place of independence and equality with men; changing the 'backward' thinking that a woman's role is to be housewife, we would never want to accept that after getting our way through the feminist movement to admit that men do play an important role/fulfill a 'need' in our lives. 

Just want to make it clear... Women and Men are EQUAL because God made us equal; but we are also different. Different does not mean inferior or superior. We are different because we have unique purposes.  (Genesis 2:23 & 5:2, Ephesians 2:10) 

With that said, I am grateful for a renewed mind in Christ that have altered my views of men; and accept that because God created us (male and female) to fulfill each other's needs; then I cannot allow the world's views to distort God's intended design and purpose for us. There is a sense, then, in which we have “inherited” a need for companionship. The need is most ideally fulfilled in the marriage union. As a general rule, in is “not good to be alone” (Gen. 2:18).

We women don't need to be debating that we have a higher purpose than marriage and childbearing. That is a given!! Look in the universities, businesses and even the churches. What we need to stop doing though is flaunt this independence/ self-sufficiency attitude to degrade men and challenge their God-given authority. Of course, we can argue that men needs to do  far better in the society but let us be reminded that we were created to be 'help mate' (Genesis 2:18) and we can argue they need a lot of help. But that is OK.. because we do need them!!! So the quicker we admit this, then the quicker we will 'help' the men to restore our society and fulfill their purpose. 

So, I don't NEED a husband to make me feel good about myself. I don't NEED a husband to make me whole. I don't NEED a husband to make me feel happy. I was created in God's own image and I have dominion over all the earth (Genesis 1:26-27)

But I will accept that I do NEED a husband to establish a nuclear family as God ordained it to be. I do NEED a husband to teach my son (when I do have one) how to be a man. I do NEED a husband to fulfill my sexual desires because sex outside of marriage is a sin (fornication).

This by no means indicates that I must take it on myself to do anything to get a husband. As a Child of God, my Jehovah Jireh (Provider) says He will supply ALL my needs according to His riches in glory (Philippians 4:19) and if I seek God's Kingdom and His righteousness, ALL things will be added unto me (Matthew 6:33). So I do trust that He knows what's best for me and I will wait on His timing:-))))

To God to be Glory**** 

Crystal 

Feel free to email me: shachene@gmail.com 

Overcoming Inadequacy

It's been a while since I've blogged; there are so many things going on in my life now, I really don't have enough time to write as I usually would. However, all week it has been on my heart to share this experience with you and I really do pray that someone's heart will be blessed by it.

Now, for the past couple of weeks I have been really overwhelmed and emotional. Many times people will see my life on social media and think 'wow she has it all together' or some will see it and draw conclusions like 'she behaves like she is better than others or acts too holy'. I can boldly say that is so not the case. I don't do anything in my life to please anyone or to get attention, and I have never been the person to think that I am better than anyone in anyway at all. Everything I do, I try very hard to do out of pure love, of course this is not always easy but I try daily to ask the Lord to lead me as I try never to offend anyone intentionally. But of course, the enemy does not like this at all so he always tried to attack where it hurts and that led to my recent struggle of 'Overcoming Inadequacy'.

In less than 3 months, I will be hosting a two day “She's Royal Empowerment Conference.” This is something totally new to me. In comparison to hosting workshops with forty people, this is expected to have a minimum of one hundred attendees. Now, the planning part for me is fun and easy but the Lord has placed on my heart to be the keynote speaker on the first night... yikes... so when I got the finally poster with my photo on it, I panicked!! 

I panicked because it started to feel real and I really just felt I was not good enough to do this. "What do I know about speaking? I am not eloquent. I am not popular. I am not a preacher. There are so many other persons I could ask to speak far better than I am. I just can't do this Lord.".

So the normal 'confident' Crystal went into a horrible place:
- The feeling of inadequacy took over in High School when I was nominated as Salutatorian (2nd runner-up to the Valedictorian). I totally rejected the nomination and didn't even consider it because I wasn't good enough. 
- Being a single mother, this feeling always takes over. "Am I being a good mother? Why didn't I choose a better father for my child? Why can't I afford to give her more?" These are constant questions that I am bombarded with.
- I started my Masters but I had to stop because of financial reasons. "Why did God allow me to start and not finish? Why is God not answering my prayers? Why won't He just provide?"
- One of my best friends stopped being my friend, just like that. No explanation, yes we exchange words now and then but they just quit being my friend and I was so hurt. So I asked myself, "What did I do wrong? Am I such a horrible friend? Am I a bad person?"
- Then I found out that my child's father is getting married. "Like really? I am a Christian and I am living a 'good' life, why is he getting married and I can't even find a date?"

The thoughts and questions just kept flooding my mind. I felt rejected. I felt hurt. I felt depressed. I felt INADEQUATE!!! 

I started to write. Then I started to pray. 
I eventually shared it with a friend of mine, how I felt about the speaking part and she encouraged me. I remembered Heather Lindsey did a video on Overcoming Inadequacy and I went on YouTube and listened. Then I PRAYED! 

Then the Lord spoke to me and said 'You are enough".
I've learnt there is always someone smarter, prettier, more eloquent and wealthier than I am. So,when we look at the world, we will always feel inadequate. But if we keep our eyes on the Lord, we will always be reminded that Jesus Christ has made us capable, competent and complete!!

We have to remember that the enemy prowls like a roaring lion seeking who he can devour (1 Peter 5:8) and he is seeking to kill, steal and destroy our future  (John 10:10). The mind is the battlefield. This is where he first seeks to attack and if he can conquer our thoughts then we will easily fall into his trap of deception.
The Word of God says to Renew our minds (Romans 12:2), Fix our eyes on things above (Colossians 3:2) and Focus on pure things (Philippians 4:8) because every temptation, struggle and fall begins with our thoughts.

Honestly, I had to start digging deeper into God's Word and remind myself about His promises. I had to remind myself that nothing I do is about me or for me. I must let go off the 'old person and old way of thinking.' I must get it in my head that everything I do is for God's glory. IT IS NOT ABOUT ME!!
If I seek to please people or myself, then I won't ever feel good enough. I had to stop looking at myself; let go off my past mistakes, my present circumstances, my problems and my inadequacies and cling to GOD. Only God can give me value, worth and purpose. He will provide when I need provision, He will promote when I need promotion and He will supply when I am in lack. I must get to a place of totally contentment and allow the Lord to fill me up, and let 'self' be slain.

So, I write to encourage someone who may be going through that feeling of inadequacy (feeling like you are not good enough). Maybe you are going through a breakup and wondering what you did wrong, maybe you have applied for a job or promotion but you did not get the position, maybe you want to pursue a dream but you don't think you are smart enough, you think don't have enough money or you think you don't have the ability to do it; maybe you are waiting on the Lord to give you a child or husband/wife and you wonder what you are doing wrong why He hasn't blessed you that way yet; maybe you are in a relationship for five years and you still haven't gotten the ring yet... All these feelings bombarding you making you feel rejected, powerless, anxious and overall depressed or causing you to lack self-worth/self-confidence—all of which can be caused by inadequacy.

Today I challenge you to take control of your thoughts, put every negative and doubtful thought under the subjection of Jesus Christ. YOU ARE ENOUGH MY FRIEND!!

You are not enough because you are smart, beautiful, wealthy, confident or educated. You are enough because Jesus' power is within you. He says You can do ALL (not some) through HIM who gives you the strength. God uses our brokenness for His Glory and our Pain for His Purpose.
(See http://chosenvessel15.blogspot.com/2015/01/purpose-behind-my-pain.html)

So spend some time in His Word and remind yourself who you are in Christ. Take your eyes off yourself and PUT your focus on Him. His plans for you are greater (Isaiah 55:8, Proverbs 16:1 & Jeremiah 29:11). 

Remember GOD loves you so much.. He doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called!!!!! 

This song always encourages me...

Ladies, please register for the conference. I promise it will be a life-changing event:-)

To God to be Glory**** 

Crystal 

Mother's Day shoot with my princess Christelle:-) 

Hanging with some Ladies of Purpose at recent Women's Retreat! 

I am ENOUGH through Jesus Christ!!! 

Feel free to email me: shachene@gmail.com 

Where we are from, DOES NOT determines who we are!

It has been heavy on my heart to remind someone that where you were born does not determine who you are. There are many things in life you cannot control like: who your parents are and where you were born is not something we have a choice about. What I do know is that God has the same plan for the person who was adopted as the person who was born in wedlock. He has the same plan for the person born Arnett Gardens (inner city) as the person born in Cherry Gardens (uptown). He has the same plan for the person who doesn't have one person in their family with a degree as the person who has five doctors in their family.

This plan is found in Jeremiah 29:11, where He says He has plans to prosper us and not to harm us.  Romans 8:28 says He will work All things together for good. Jeremiah 1:3 says He formed us in our mother’s womb.  These three scriptures have sealed our future and qualify the statement that ‘where we are from, DOES NOT determines who we are”.

I have so many friends and have seen so many persons rose from the stereotypical thinking that they cannot be successful because they did not come from a good family or they did not have money.  So, maybe your weren't consider the brightest person growing up, maybe you can’t afford all the ‘bling’ outfits to be the popular kid in school, maybe you live in a board house with zinc roof or maybe you have no one encouraging you, maybe you were molested or you lost someone very close to you. Yes… Life gets tough... Life gets rough… But today I am telling you that YOU STILL HAVE PURPOSE.

There comes a point in ALL our lives that we have choices to make. You can either choose to let your circumstances define you or daily put in the hard work and go get all you have ever dream about.

People will always have negative things to say about you. People will always criticize and try to hold you down. These same people can be your friends, your teachers or even parents. But you need to find that internal motivation, find that self-drive to push pass naysayers and start thinking positive (your attitude is your biggest asset). 

Your future is already determined – Success is yours. But you must CHOOSE if you want to take it or allow people or circumstances to hinder you from getting it. 

Though we pass through many difficulties in life, we should not give up because life is not about what you couldn't do so far, it's about what you can still do so NEVER GIVE UP! 

Beauty in the Eyes of the Creator

We always hear the phrase 'Beauty in the eyes of the beholder' and believe this is true. This common phrase tells us that beauty is determined by each person's opinion and the observer decided who or what is beautiful. Today I come to tell you that is a LIE from the pit of hell.
Beauty is in the eyes of the Creator!! 
So what society says or feels doesn't determine how beautiful we are but God who created us has already determined that we are all fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14).

Growing up, I was not considered the 'prettiest' girl according to society's standards. I was short, very skinny, my face was filled with acne, nappy hair and dark-skinned. In primary school, of course the guys did not like me to be their girlfriend.. I was just like one of the guys (played football and wasn't 'girlie' or pretty enough). My hair wasn't long, I wasn't brown-skinned, my parents certainly didn't have money and I just wasn't so popular.
So, I remember after my best friends and I at the time, passed our Common Entrance Exam and we were very excited we were attending the same high school. We knew that certain aspects of our physical appearance needed to change so we could get a little more noticed or just a little more popular. So we started to run onion and escallion on our breasts, because we were told it would make them grow bigger; and which guy doesn't like big 'boobs'?... So, when that didn't work, we wore skimpy clothes (when we could get away with it), this made us feel more attractive especially as the curves grew and this got the boys' attention.
I tell you my background because now being a child of God, I have learnt some lessons about beauty and making friends with the mirror which I want to share with you.

Women of all ages, ethnic group, nationality, social status and background ALL suffer with the reality of trying to look beautiful to fit to society's standards. We spend time and energy criticizing and critiquing our facial features, body and hair. Some women think they are the most beautiful that ego and pride takes over and they think they are better than another person; while some don't even like looking in the mirror because what they see doesn't measure up with what is on television, magazine, celebrities, fashion designers etc.

I ask you this question... when you look in the mirror what do you see? Are you thankful for God's creation or critical of His handiwork. It is very challenging to find a healthy balance of vanity/pride and low self-confidence.

What is true beauty?

These scriptures tells us what the Creator of beauty has to say about where it comes from. It doesn't say we cannot dress nicely but outer beauty fades, but true beauty radiates from the inside, a heart that delights in the Lord. 

To appear beautiful women bleaches their skin because black is deemed not pretty enough, they tattoo and have piercings all over their bodies, they must wear Brazilian weave, they starve themselves to loose weight, they wear skimpy clothes because that is what gets the most 'likes' on social media, plastic surgery, liposuction, implants, constant makeup and 'extreme makeovers'. 

Without wanting to admit it most times we do these things to gain popularity, get guys attention, we feel more acceptable and overall gain that sex appeal. We compromise our worth many times to fit in the way of the world. 

Today my blog is not to criticize or scold or judge you if you have done anything to 'enhance' your beauty but I write to encourage, motivate and empower us women to discover and accept that true beauty radiates from within and ultimately brings glory to God because it draws others to want to know Him as they get to know us better.  

Song of Solomon 4:7 says "All beautiful you are, my beautiful, there is no flaw in you'". 

GOD SAYS YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!!

It doesn't matter what your mother say, your friends say, your teacher say, your enemies say, your classmates say, society says..... YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL and UNIQUE!!

So what makes you unique? Is it the space between your teeth? Is it the 'plug' nose? Is it the 'buff' teeth? Is it the glasses you wear? Is it the spots on your legs? Is it scar on your face or the acne? Is it your dark skin? Is it the thickness of your bones that gives you that unique physique? Is it the size 12 shoes your wear? Is it the nappy hair? Is it 'K' shaped legs? 

Whatever makes you different, does not make you less attractive!!! 

Our God is a God of uniqueness and variety. We all won't look the same. 

Winning pageants, getting guys attention, wearing a size 6 dress or getting '50' likes  does not determine how beautiful you are. 

Bleaching your skin, wearing weaves, tattoos or piercing on your body, wearing half-naked clothes or make-up does not make you beautiful.

You are beautiful because God made you beautiful.. Without any enhancements or additions you are beautiful.... Because God says you are beautiful.... But through a pure heart then the inner beauty will radiates into an even more confident beautiful woman. 

The next time you are quick to say that girl's nose is too big, that girl is too fat, she can't dress, she is ugly ... Remember you are not only critiquing her but you are also criticizing God's awesome creation. And just like how you are criticizing her, there is someone criticizing you!! 

Let us empower..motivate.. uplift each other with kind and encouraging words:-) 

To God be the Glory****

Crystal 

Feel free to email me: shachene@gmail.com 

Called to Bible School (Life-changing Year)

I'm sure you have heard of the story of Saul's conversion into the Apostle Paul on the road to Damascus. Well if you have not, Paul was a former Christian persecutor was converted into a Gospel preacher. He was heading in one direction but he had an encounter with Jesus Christ and as a result, his direction changed drastically (Acts 9:1-9). My story is similar to this... 

Sunday March 29, 2015 marked another milestone in my life. It was my fifth graduation exercise in my twenty-seven (27) years of life but I still had to fight back the tears because it was another special moment in my life. 

Being a full-time single mother, working full-time, the chairperson for two ministries at church, a MBA (Masters of Business Administration) student, along with the many other projects I manage. This was my life until April of 2014. Nowhere in my busy schedule or my many plans was bible school even in my thoughts. A friend of mine mentioned it but with my numerous activities it just could not fit in. Then I got the 'call'... Yes... I heard clearly the voice of God saying I should register for Portmore Bible Academy. I made excuses, I hesitated but I started to pray about it because the burden to sign up was getting heavy. I knew I had to be obedient so I decided to trust God to help me "juggle" all the things I had going on 

From the first day I stepped into that class, my life had never been the same. Pastor Peter Malcolm (Director, Founder, Facilitator, Shepherd, Mentor, and Confidant) was so warm and welcoming. He taught all the courses with enthusiasm, vigor, confidence and was Spirit-led. Attending bible school changed everything I thought Christianity was about ... My relationship with God grew stronger and my appetite for righteousness got deeper. The woman I was one year ago is definitely not the same woman I am today. 

Pastor Malcolm and I at graduation 

Some of the most life-changing courses for me included Foundation Doctrine, Stewardship, Practical Ministry, Theology of Purpose, Prayer, Praise and Worship, The Beatitudes, Cults and False Teaching and of course Faith (to name a few). Bible school wasn't just about taking notes and learning theoretical knowledge but the Word of God came alive every week that we met. From the testimonies, devotions, praise and worship sessions, presentations, retreat, anointing service and many discussions. Thursdays became my favorite day of the week because I looked forward to being into the presence of God and learning something new. 

When people hear about bible school, they start asking what my title is. I have no intention to become a Pastor, Reverend, Deaconess or anything of that sort. But I had no plan to even enroll in bible school either. I simply desired a deeper relationship with Jesus Christ and the Lord just turned my plans upside down and I just surrendered because His plans are far greater. I had to give up pursuing my MBA to focus on what God wanted me to do and not what I wanted to do. It really was a bit hard at first but the closer I got to God is the more I learned to trust that His ways are higher than mine. 

A lot of people also ask me about accreditation but God's Word cannot be limited to piece of paper and seeking acceptance of worldly standards. What bible school gave me was far deeper than what I could be taught in a regular theological college. Even though Pastor Malcolm was the facilitator, the Holy Spirit was our Teacher; we weren't taught doctrines but the dynamic Word of God was cemented on our hearts. 

What is next? I have no clue... Just like Paul that had no clue what His new journey would be like, so it is with me. I really just don't know... what I do know is, I must be obedient. So, I might be persecuted, abandoned or wrecked but I stand firm knowing that it will ALL be for the GLORY OF GOD!! 

Pictures from my graduation

 Fearfully and wonderful made...............

Deacon Francis, Pastor Bolt and Lady Bolt supporting me at graduation...

 Graduating Class of Portmore Bible Academy 2015

My beautiful daughter Christelle Garriques & I showing lots of love.....

To God be the Glory****

Crystal 

Feel free to email me: shachene@gmail.com 

Being the Other Woman

The world that we live in glorifies being the 'other woman,' otherwise known as "matey or side chick."  Many of the dancehall songs we listen tell us it is okay, Spice tells us to 'Jim Screechy', Lady Saw tells us 'I've got your man'; and there are many other songs. The movies and TV shows like Scandal teach us how to be 'comfortable' with having a relationship with a married man and how and it's acceptable to 'steal or share' a man.

This is maybe one of the hardest blogs to post because this is never something any woman wants to accept and share; my mistakes, vulnerability and weakness. We women try our very best to appear to have it all together and never show our brokenness. But I am trying to accept that my life is not my own and everything that happened in my past can be used for God's glory and I pray this will minister to the heart of someone. 

I spent seven years being the 'other woman'. I had no issue at all with it. It wasn't a mistake neither was it something I was coerced into do. I chose it and I didn't see anything wrong with it. Of course, no woman expects to stay in that position for so long but I had no expectations. As stated in a previous blog Diary of a Single Woman, men only served two purposes: sex and reproduction. Besides, when I entered the 'situationship' I definitely wasn't ready to reproduce. I was a good 'matey' though- I sent him home when he needed to, I wouldn't call if he was around her and when she did find out that he was messing around, I denied it to make sure he didn't get into trouble (pathetic right.. smh).

When being the 'other woman', many of our friends would glorify it too. I mean how many friends will say that being the 'other woman' is wrong? Besides, even if they do, most times they are doing the same thing too. Again, nothing seemed wrong about it. And that's how life in SIN is like... Everyone in it accepts it. Think about it; fornication is accepted to the world, partying is the norm to the world, dressing half-naked is not wrong because many artistes sing about these things and many movies portray it. But the Word of God says, the road to destruction is so wide! (Matthew 7:13)

What is hidden though is the consequences of these sinful acts and decisions. No one talks about the harsh reality of being a single parent, no picture on facebook shows the many abortions done or the STIs contracted, no one talks about broken homes and heartaches of being betrayed when cheated on or when you party all weekend then can't find fare to go to work the following week. Who sings about these things? Nobody.

Growing up in a society where common-law relationships have gotten legal status, teenage pregnancy rampant and almost acceptable, being a virgin is deemed non-existent, dressing half-naked is a norm and if you are not having sex then you are an outcast; the term 'worth' has gotten a new meaning. Your worth is determined by your level of education, the car you drive, the amount of money in your bank account, your job, your relationship status and this determines if you feel you are accepted by people.

Women can pretend all they want as if they are okay with their men having another woman as long as they are 'wifey'  but it's a Lie! You are not a wife, if he has not put a ring on that finger. All he is doing is playing both you and the other woman. Whether you are a teenage girl or an older woman, if you had any idea how precious you are and how much you are worth to God then you would not be comfortable having sex with a guy who is not committed to you. He says he loves you, but what does that mean exactly? When he verbally abuses you, physically abuses you and even if you think well that doesn't go for me because we live together and he is good to me then what's stopping him from marrying you. And please don't tell me you don't want to marry.. psshh (you can only fool yourself). That man will not commit or marry you because he isn't sure if you are worth it. And if he has another woman it's because you cannot fulfill his desires nor can you make him happy.

ALL MEN DON'T CHEAT!! 

Now, don't think I am any better than you because I am a Christian now and I have decided that I won't have sex until I am married. The difference is, I've learnt over time how much I am worth to Jesus Christ, and if a guy doesn't love God, then he is not capable of loving me. But that's just me. What about you?

- Are you the other woman? If you are, then you are accepting that you are not worth anything but being second. And guess what? You are not even second because when you are the other woman; his job, his car, his children.. everything and everybody comes before you. You are merely there for sexual pleasure only. Once, the sex stops what other purpose do you serve? You may say but Crystal that's all I want to be.. really now? We will say this over and over until we actually start convincing ourselves but deep down you wished that man was yours. And if you are with him just for his money then maybe that man isn't the problem (it could be you). 

- Are you the 'wifey'? He lives at home with you and you take care of his every need, but you have still have not gotten the ring. I am sorry to say this, but that man is just not convinced that you are the one. So, all the promises he is making are just promises which can be broken at any time and when he does leave, you will spend the rest of your life regretting the time you invested in him. 

It's time to know your worth. God loves you so much that He sent His son to die for you, not saying a man should die to be with you but, he must be willing to give up something if you are worth anything to him. Ladies seem to be the ones who are usually compromising. How many single fathers are there? Yes, you have them, but according to the US Census data 82%  are single mothers. Our decision to be the other woman or accept 'wifey' which leads to pregnancy outside of marriage not just affects us when that man moves on, but it affects our children (fatherless) which contributes to so many social issues in our country now (crime, rape, suicide, teenage pregnancy). 

It's time to be wise... Please... We need to start making better decisions and stop allowing men to manipulate us with this love talk, material things and continuous broken promises. 

I said this in my last blog and I will repeat:

I encourage you ladies to find your worth. It is in Christ! No man can make you feel as special or complete as a relationship with God makes you feel. 

If we as women do not demand men to step up, then they won't. If we provide for them, if we give them sex whenever, if we take on a man's role, then he simply won't have any reason to pull up his socks and do better. We need to start demanding our MEN to take their place back in our church, home and society. They (not all but most) obviously  are not self-motivated enough to be better men, so we MUST demand it! 

I don't share this to condemn or judge anybody because, I spent many years doing the same thing. No amount of education, money or titles can teach you worth! I found my worth in Christ and; now that I am a new creation (2 Cor. 5:17), I try not to condemn myself and simply accept that without knowledge our people perish (Hosea 4:6) and since I know better now, I simply feel burden to share, encourage and empower women so we can love ourselves more and make better decisions that will impact our family and our society. Our decisions have consequences. 

If you didn't trod this path of being the "other woman" or "wifey", don't be judgmental either because as women we all face different issues and we must learn to encourage and pray for each other and not criticize and condemn one another. 

God loves you so much... and I do too:-)

To God be the Glory****

Crystal 

Feel free to email me: shachene@gmail.com